The year is coming to an end once again, and I’m not quite sure what I have accomplished. I guess surviving my job for 8 months is an accomplishment. Every month that goes by I’m proud of myself for sucking it up and going to work even though I wake up every morning wishing I could just sleep and NOT go to work, but that’s most people right? When I wake up and wish that I could just stay cuddled in my nice warm bed I think of the millions of people that are doing the exact same thing as me and wishing the same thing, but in the end we live up to our responsibilities and go to work. This pushes me a little further knowing that I’m not alone, but surrounded by people who think the same idea as me but deal with it the same as well. I guess this is me growing up and realizing this is what I have to do in order to get somewhere.
Besides work, I’ve been having some ups and downs with myself. My head is always fighting with itself and it’s because I’m overly sensitive. But when I think to myself, “Sadachbia, just get over it, nothing is worth this. You are strong and can get passed this. No one or thing is worth you doubting yourself,” I try my hardest to listen. Then there’s the other side “These things are happening because YOU are not worth it. There’s nothing special about you and you don’t make an imprint in people’s lives,” and these thoughts are more powerful than the others.
I don’t know how I went from being one of the most popular girls in school to socially awkward. I barely have anyone I can talk to nowadays, besides Bear. I don’t know if it’s me, well I guess it probably is if not many people care to include in things. I can honestly say there are two people other than family that I talk to on a daily basis. One being Bear, the other an amazing friend. But what happened along the way? How did my friends dwindle down to two? For those who have left and freed themselves from Kuwait, I can understand. But what about those here IN Kuwait? Am I not fun? Am I not thought of when things are to be decided? Am I not worthy of being around? I really just don’t understand it. For those I’ve known practically 10 years (yes maybe not close, but still know and have gotten alot closer in the last couple of years) why is it that I am not on your list? Your list of calls. Your list of contacts. Your list of gossip. Your list to have someone to talk to. Your list of including.
I’ve completed one of two grad school applications. Well not fully completed, but I’ve filled out everything. All I need to do is request for a transcript and some references! The other one is just ridiculous. Since when did applying to a school become so exhausting! For this one school, there’s about 15 pages to complete including 5 different small essays!! I think they want to realllllyy make sure the person applying wants to go! Both schools are in London because of I love that city with a passion. I see myself living there even after I’ve completed school. I don’t feel that living in Kuwait is broadening my knowledge and creativity and who I can express myself as. Escaping London, I feel, is the road I need to go down and stay on for awhile. We’ll see!
I’m leaving this blog with a song I adore by a great band:
Fleet Foxes – Mykonos
Recent Comments